Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Colonel

Martha sat indoors and watched a small dark-skinned man with a briefcase and no neck walk briskly past her window. She didn’t care where he was going or what he was carrying or why he was in such a hurry all that mattered was that small elated feeling of seeing something removed from all context merely existing within the window-frame at that exact point in time. Daniel knocked on the door even though there wasn’t really any need. His courtesy was compelling, fascinating... vexing. It made her uncomfortable. She was scared now because she had let her guard down and found herself sort of in love? with him. It was too soon and she regretted it. He walked in and kissed her on the mouth. He pressed into her and her hips bent obtusely until her head touched the pillow. Martha thought of the window-frame and all that existed within it and how from the other side all there was was her and him and nothing else. She thought how she had found a way to exist and not exist simultaneously and there was that elated feeling again only this time it was Daniel - someone other than herself - and all that was left of her was a fleeting spark of static electricity from the pillow where her hair lay.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Ripples


There is this man
He’s middle aged I suppose
Closer to death
But not dying
He has grey hair
Different shades
Wavy, like a perm half a decade old
He’s got a tweed suit on
And a thin brown tie 
Perfectly placed
He’s got the paper
One of the headlines reads
FINAL FAREWELL TO PASSIONATE 

Instead of watching the sun tickle the trees
And the leaves and shadows giggle and dapple on the concrete
And people talk and shit
He faces the enclave under the library
Where a little orange digger is making a lot of noise
Mainly scraping noises
Metal on concrete
Metal on metal
He cranes his head to get a closer look
He picks up the paper but he’s only pretending to read
He can’t take his eyes off the little orange digger

He takes a swig of coke
And stuffs his hand into a little packet of salt and vinegar chippies
Transfers them into his mouth
Where he has been hoarding a big pile of them

Chomp chomp chomp
He thinks about his childhood
He had a little orange digger then too
And a little orange bulldozer
And a little orange dump truck
He would digger up the chippies into the dump truck then empty the chippies into a big pile of little chippies

He was going to lay the foundations for a whole new world
A chippies world with chippies buildings
Chippies grass
And chippies parks
Libraries made of chippies
And chippies coffees and chippies handshakes
And friendships made of chippies

He put his hand in and pulled one out
A big pile of little chippies

Only the crumby bits are left now
He eats all the crumby chippies and licks his fingers which are all salty and greasy
He stands up and looks at the little orange digger
But it has gone so all he sees is himself in the window
Licking his lips
He picks up the coke bottle and chippies packet
And throws them in the bin.

Friday, May 27, 2011

A txt from my Dad

"Happy ginga day from your ginga-free mum and dad :)"

Apparently not genetic.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

  1. I'm watching the Wire at the moment I have this ritual where I watch it before I go to sleep and then when I wake up but I'm afraid when I finish it that I will have nothing to look forward to/nowhere to escape to and I will feel sad. The best/funniest parts are when they talk about books.
  2. There is a little mouse in the house and everyone has seen it but me. 
  3. I have been having the best sleeps in the new house.
  4. Got a new duvet. One that sounds like -crispckle-
  5. Only able to eat red meals.
  6. Want to wear more red clothes too. Maybe like get a red dress or something.
  7. Lit a real good fire.
  8. Doctor said I should stop being vegetarian but I'm not going to - put spinach on my blue-cheese pizza bread instead.
  9. Fantasising while working about all the stuff I can buy from Penny Lane when I go there on Friday.
  10. Lots of irrational spending on the internet. Mainly books.
  11. Read Blankets by Craig Thompson and had to stop three times because I thought I was going to cry. Left me in this state of awe/disbelief/reflection/gratefulness/melancholy/desire/mild intoxication.
  12. Studying documentary in cinema studies is the most rewarding/interesting/frustrating thing. 
  13. Miss Simba.
  14. Need a belt.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

My dream lover would be some like, literary Twinkie or an ice-cream biscuit. I imagine this 'person' to be like a chocolate-coated pretzel Richard Brautigan or something


They’re going to study you at universities, did you know? Sometimes love is as simple as that. But this isn’t a declaration of my love for you I am not in a creative writing class and the lecturer has not asked us to write about something we are passionate about or I would have picked like ice cream or pretzels or following the sun around on the floor at the end of the day.. I'm standing in front of a vending machine. I shouldn’t have brought up love. I don’t even know you. This is embarrassing. Sorry. You write. I mean. You write well. And you’re smart. You’re American too I guess that helps. I dunno. You’re cute. But that’s subjective. What isn't though, I suppose. So is your body shape and hair it seems ideal it makes me feel superficial because I don't think I've ever cared about that or I've never found anyone ever physically unattractive but your features on you, they're so exquisite. Oh, and I like your voice when you talk in front of people you’re really nervous but you’re so passionate about what you’re saying that it sort of offsets the nervousness and I’m too busy being enraptured by your voice and intellect that I don’t see the papers in your hand shivering except when I’m being really observant but in all honesty I guess I can’t not be observant of you and I just said enraptured. Oh man. I'd like to undress you. Hee hee. You’re really tasty. I mean you're really sweet. I mean you're really great. And they’re going to study you. But not me. I have already graduated.

Friday, May 20, 2011

The cathedral is a carcass and when the sun shines people can see right in and they smile when the sun shines on their faces because it's warm and nothing else


It’s the leaves that were dancing on the road, frantically like their life depended on it that held the only beauty in the world if beauty equates to urgency and urgency to like, actual existence. The leaves were orange and withered so they were dead anyway I guess. I don’t think anything could have screamed YOUAREALIVE more effectively than decaying leaves-corpses dancing like their lives depended on it in the middle of the road on a sunny autumn morning though. I was driving. Felt really guilty about that because – a lady was cycling on the path beside me she was smiling – the windows were all the way up and the heater too despite the sunshine and Solid Gold was playing the hits real loud. Crushing a leaf is only pleasurable if you can hear it like opening a can of soft drink, ya know? I really like that. Otherwise it’s just murder. Fuck man. Can you kill something that’s already dead? I dunno. It’s just. They were dancing so beautifully.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Every girl is the end of the world for me

I got this today in one mail box then moved right on to another. This is the first book I've read in my new house. I'm really glad about that. The book is Every Girl Is The End Of The World For Me by Jeffrey Brown. This was so exciting. I had a cup of red wine and read it in the lounge. Jeffrey Brown is in Chicago and hangs out with a bunch of babes over boxing day - a bit after new years. At the start there is a guide of all the girls he writes/draws about and his relationship with them.  My favourite bit was right at the end when he talks about what his new years resolutions are and he says to be more rational. I wonder if he was more rational after that. Reading this made me feel really good and that I like people like Jeffrey Brown and that there should be more nice people like him in the world. Not that there aren't. But still - more of a good thing is always optimal. When Jeffrey Brown gets scared/sad/nervous in his comics I feel like I'm reading about me. I got a lampshade today too which is kind of visible in the pic. It's a hot air balloon. I got it from 2cheap for $3.

Comic #20

Comic #19

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Need to learn these off by heart.
Need to say "funky" more.

  

Also need to get Beatles rock band for PS3.

Comic #18

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Grizzly Man


Grizzly Man is a documentary about a guy that gets eaten by a bear
His girlfriend gets eaten by a bear too
Even though this may be (arguably) the most ‘objective’ documentary I have watched in my course this year
And Werner Herzog is really good at showing the irrational and rational opinions re. some guy wanting to live with/be a bear
The bear that eats him is cast in a particularly bad light
Like if it was a Disney movie,
This hungry people-eating bear would definitely be ‘foreign’ and have an ‘accent’ and have black, pointy eyebrows
The words “nasty” and “evil-looking” were used to describe the bear
But those words would probably have been used to describe even a bear that looked like Joanna Newsom or Michelle Monaghan if it ate a person
I imagine there are a lot of people that would want to be eaten by Joanna Newsom or Michelle Monaghan
But not so many that would like to be eaten by a bear
How unfortunate for that guy and his girlfriend
But also for 'baddies' in Disney flicks too.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Comic #17

I step out of the fire


I step out of the fire
Scolded
Half my face has melted off
I hurt
Everywhere
A recurring abuse
It has been for a long time
I can’t remember when the fire was an ally
Or if at all
But that means nothing
When I step out of the fire
You are water
Water with soft hands and a
Speech impediment
You’re funny
You kiss too
Despite my face
It feels so refreshing
Your tongue
To be loved
Without words
Is the purest.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Led Zeppelin Detox Days 3 and 4

Day Three: 
"Fuck this"

Day Four: 
- The Beatles
- Please Mr Postman by anyone on youtube (especially Whoopi Goldberg in Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit)

It's not my fault I got strangled by an octopus


It’s not my fault I got strangled by an octopus
The octopus with 100 arms
And two legs
It looked familiar
From the waist down it was just like us
I loved the octopus
To be hugged by one hundred arms
I felt like a rare and incredible jewel
Buried on the moon
And 400,000 kilometres away
You invent the x-ray telescope
And find me buried there
And fly up
And dig me out
And write about me in your diaries
One diary for research explaining the
Accretion of gas and dust and how you had to calculate the exact measure of cosmological distance between everything in the universe
And everything not in the universe
And another diary
You write from the back
About finding me and how I shone and how you held me and I warmed your hands and you felt like you could never be cold again

I really loved that octopus
To be strangled by one hundred arms
That is five hundred fingers
Well,
It feels like nothing after a while.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Led Zeppelin Detox Day 2

Dad walked into my room and said "don't use the toilet". I said "okay dad" and went back to sleep. 

Woke up. Turned on the computer. Was too scared to open itunes. Was too scared to use the toilet so I just sat and looked at facebook. Went downstairs and made a cup of tea. The tea was like my Mjölnir so I opened itunes real confidently and listened to the first Led Zep album up to maybe Black Mountain Side.  I drank all the tea and felt guilty. Then I thought: Why set myself this rule? If Led Zep is making me happy then why would I want to deny myself the pleasure. Am I self-mutilating by disallowing myself cool stuff I like? Jesus. But this is an unhealthy obsession. I need to stop listening to so much Led Zeppelin. I can only think about Led Zeppelin and how I should listen to something else but scrolling through itunes makes me so depressed until I get to 'L'. And I can be on the computer for so long and listen to all the studio albums and all the live albums and I won't get disrupted and flustered by a change in artist because there won't be one. This is a better way to listen to music. But 4 months is weird. Led Zep is probably like "leave me alone now please Alice". That is a very distressing thought. Not thinking about it.

Robert Plant gave a little yelp that I hadn't heard before and I needed to pee.

I feel like I am in a relationship with Led Zeppelin and by listening to something else I am cheating on Led Zeppelin. 

John Bonham is fucking dead. 

I watched Ed Wood and afterwards I opened itunes. My heart was racing. I knew exactly where the absolute pit of my stomach was. I listened to Another Girl Another Planet by the Only Ones. In Paul, Another Girl Another Planet plays while Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are at the sci-fi convention. It made me really happy that that song played then. I found it really funny. In a way I only went to see that movie after I saw in the credits that song was in it. Then I listened to Breaking Down. Then I listened to Never Mind by the Replacements. And Valentine. And Can't Hardly Wait. And Birthday Gal. Then I listened to Be There, Blue & Red and Just A Dream Away by Wipers. 

I tried to cry but I couldn't. I felt the most alone I have felt for maybe 3 or 4 days. 

I went to work and after I listened to all of Led Zep III from Since I've Been Loving You while drinking a cup of lemon tea.

Apparently the first three days of a detox are the hardest?

Total bullshit.

Haiku for Cat

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Led Zeppelin Detox Day 1

Woke up. Listened to The Rain Song. Made a cup of tea.
Listened to Over the Hills and Far Away. Listened to The Crunge. Listened to Dancing Days.
Had a shower while D'yer Mak'er played. Got dressed to the end of No Quarter.
Finished proofing an essay.

The Ocean.

Brushed teeth/packed bag/put on lil bit of make up to LA Drone and Immigrant Song.

Thought "this ain't so bad".

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Nailed to the cross

Roads.
Not symbolic.
Just
Stuck in
Traffic.