Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Gonna be in Grouper music vid. 
Gonna smoke.
Gonna roll in dirt.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Some stuff about this week:

  1. Dry lips
  2. Brideshead Revisited
  3. Waking Life
  4. Alice
  5. Gummo
  6. Workshop
  7. Samuel Beckett
  8. Delicious dinners at Rosie's
  9. Dresses
  10. (Irrational, indulgent, shameful spending)
  11. Govt $$$
  12. Jeans + tee
  13. Jeans more than shorts 
  14. (That was a lie. Shorts 4ever)
  15. Skype 
  16. Community 
  17. Extravagant/bad bunk bed ideas
  18. Cider and beer mixed together
  19. Falling asleep inappropriately
  20. The Internet
  21. Roy Orbison and friends (again and again)
  22. Led Zeppelin
  23. Solid Gold 92.9FM
  24. Booked flights
  25. Scary weather 
  26. Massive traffic 
  27. 30km zones
  28. 10km zones
  29. Speeding
  30. Cups of tea
  31. Mexican food
  32. Slaps 
  33. (Red hands)
  34. Catch
  35. Spamming Ben's facebook
  36. Eamonn's lunch/afternoon tea/dinner 
  37. Eating grapes
  38. Being gross with grapes
  39. Fun food puns
  40. (and rhymes)
  41. Eamonn's cute nephews 
  42. Dunedin soon
  43. The (real sweet) thought of driving to Dunedin with three good friends in a condensed space for few hours.
  44. Feeling tired and falling asleep quickly
  45. Lost books in the mail
  46. Back home 
  47. Real needing to move out of home
  48. Missing my bike
  49. Losing bike pump twice
  50. Nice people (everyone)
  51. New people
  52. Old people
  53. Parties
  54. Old wrinkly beautiful faces in The King's Speech
  55. Cat being cute and dribbly 
  56. Laughing heaps
  57. Forgetting to email people back

Monday, March 28, 2011

Trying to be beautiful I (II)

So I've decided to repost this because I changed it in the word doc and felt like a liar for not changing it on here too.


I am your heart
I’m French
Words always sound better in French
Don’t they ?

More serious
More beautiful
More painful

We are not close
Like we used to be
When you were younger
You ignore me
You prefer
The brain
And me,
I am not given
Another thought

I’m going to leave you
And you will miss me
And think that I don’t love you

But do not think
Of what you can’t understand
When one is
The heart
Nothing is important.
Not the origin
Not the destination
Only the voyage

I hope that you
Will be there,
To receive me
With open arms
Revealing the hollow
From which I disappeared
And with hands spread
You will pick me up
And fit me
Like a battery
Into your chest
Where I belong.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

The wind is howling 

The wind is howling
Usually this would feel nice
Like I am safe
But my house has cracks in it
And bits of the ceiling have fallen down
My room has been pushed up in the air so it is higher than ever
Higher than the rest of the house
Higher than the trees
Higher than 200 cans of paint stacked on each other.
I’m going to go to sleep but
I mightn’t wake up.
This makes me feel only 
I wrote this when I was real drunk, even the title, is it kind of a lie I'm writing this in the past tense right now.

I put my foot out on the coffee table and had to be careful not to spill over my cup of tea
I had chana masala out of a bag but with no rice
The taste of curry is cementy  
I am watching a dvd of roy orbison and friends
Some of his friends are tom waits and bruce springsteen and elvis costello
Roy orbison has a hunch back
People are getting really emotional in ‘crying’
I guess that’s understandable
I’ve misspelled a lot of words in this but no one would ever know
Ha ha ha
Roy Orbison has cool friends
The harmonica makes people forget all their problems by giving them new ones

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Harley II


There is something not quite right about going to the toilet in a car park in the middle of the day.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Trying to be beautiful I

Same applies for this one too. Wrote this ages ago. Didn't know what to do with it.


Je suis votre cœur
Je suis français
Le son des mots sont toujours meilleurs en français,
Non ?

Plus grave
Plus joli
Plus douloureux

Nous ne sommes pas intimes
Comme nous étions
Quand tu étais plus jeune
Tu m’ignorer                                                                                                   
Tu préfère
Le cerveau                                                            
Et moi
Je n’obtiens pas
Même une pensée

Je suis te quitter
Et tu me me manqueras
Et penseras
Que je ne t’aime pas

Mais ne penser pas
Ce qui tu ne pourrais rien comprendre
Quand on est
Le cœur
Rien n’est important,
Pas l’origine
Pas la destination,
Seul le voyage

I hope that you
Will be there,
To receive me
With open arms
Revealing the hollow
From which I disappeared
And with hands spread
You will pick me up
And fit me
Like a battery
Into your chest
Where I belong.

Trying to be beautiful II

I was trying to practise my french in some vain attempt to remember what I have 'learnt' since I was like, five. Actually the french I was taught at primary and intermediate doesn't really count I don't think. So then, trying to remember all the stuff from high school. Sort of disappointing what I could remember. But still, some stuff. If anyone can actually understands that would be a bonus, although I wouldn't count on any of this making sense. Could provide a rough translation (or what I meant to say) if anyone wants.

Rien ne m’intéresse maintenant
Je pense ce que
Si j’écrire dans le français
Peut-être je me sentirai plus
Intelligent ou
Mieux au écrit

Ma grammaire
Comment dit-on
« fucked »
En français ?

La poème
Avant celle-ci
(En français)
Etait sur le sujet
D’amour !

Celle-ci devrait avoir été
C’est malheureux ;
Mon incapacité
Pour utiliser
Le conditionnel. 

Monday, March 21, 2011

Brown Coats

The reavers were pretty scary like the sentinels in the Matrix but way more vicious; that same physical manifestation of paranoia and obsession though. I went through this massive phase of being so in love with Malcolm Reynolds that I bought this thick suede shirt sort of khaki coloured but more like a jacket than a shirt and I wore that with brown leather boots and black jeans I wore it also when I dressed up as Bret Michaels for a ‘douchebag party’ at my flat last year where I coloured a goatee on my face with brown eye-liner. Sideburns too.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Marley and Me

Dogs run away to die
Lots of animals do that
Humans don't really think about that though
We don't really have a choice
I don't know how I'd feel about dying in front of a big group of people
With my closest friends + family all around
But then I don't want to die all alone either
Maybe that is because we are meant to want to have a lot of people around us all the time
I wouldn't be a very good dog
But maybe a better dog than a human
I guess Marley was the perfect dog even though Owen Wilson said he was not like a dog at all
Marley wants to die in front of everyone like a human but he doesn't because it would be bad taste in front of the kids
Marley was really nice for doing that
Marley was a better human than a dog
It turns out that Marley kind of symbolised Jennifer Aniston
Jennifer Aniston looks more dog-like than anyone I can think of right now

Saturday, March 19, 2011

seeing right through the computer screen and everything else

my tongue is the trigger
if i move it
i will kill everyone
if i don't
they will die eventually

Friday, March 18, 2011

I love this thing: Simba

On Wednesday I got my haircut at my friends house. I said I wanted a trim and my fringe to be sorted out because it was really thick and starting to poke my eyes. I said that my fringe is usually way shorter kind of like Betty Page's. It's the opposite of that though because hers is convex to the origin and mine is concave. I suppose in this case the origin is my nose, the middle of my face? I dunno. This time though my friend said SPOCK FRINGE and that was pretty much exactly what I wanted. I just watched the Star Trek movie the week earlier and thought how much more attractive Spock is than Captain Kirk partly because of his real good fringe but also his intellect too. The girl who cut my hair straightened it as well which I haven't done in years which was kind of interesting/different/slick. After I got my hair cut though I went back to my real house in Dallington because I missed my cat. His name is Simba. I got Simba when I was eight, so he is 12 but he doesn't look a day over 5. I really love Simba and he really loves me. I can tell because he talks to me like I can understand him. He is a little bit like a dog in the way that when I call him or tell him to "hop up on the seat", he usually does it. I got Simba because he was the smallest cat and his brothers were picking on him. He was also orange. I guess I felt like I got picked on a lot and also I am orange. When I got home this day I tried with difficulty to open the front door but there were no lights so I fumbled around for a few seconds. I was really excited to see Simba (I call him Simmy as a nickname) because I hadn't seen him since the earthquake and I was scared maybe he got too frightened and ran away or got squashed by the furniture that fell over. I also knew that he would want to see me and give him a pat pat pat. He saw me coming up to the door though and he meowed at me but in a chirpy way as if he was saying, "hi mum you're back! I missed you heaps gimme a pat. I'm hungry". I talked back to him and told him the door was stuck and he told me to just give a push. Inside I got him some food and picked him up. He sat down by my feet and meowed some more and I said shall I give you a cuddle and bent down to pick him up and he sort of semi-jumped into my arms. Then I gave him a real rough pat which is his favourite kind of pat. I kissed him on the fur as well and put him down and he ate his food. Then I went on the computer because I needed to print off something and he jumped right onto my lap. I took lots of photos on photobooth. I think me and Simba look pretty similar. It's almost hard to tell the difference. It's quite hard to take pictures on the computer of you and your cat though because the cat always faces the other way. I tried to pick him up and force his face at the lens but those ones looked a bit aggressive. I think this one sort of sums up the reunion pretty well. Simmy is the best cat. He is so docile. He gets teased for this by people who say he is a 'girl cat'.  Last night I spent the night at my house for the first time in about 3 weeks and he sat on my pillow all night purring but softly, considerately, because he didn't want to wake me up.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Not home

  1. Northwood subdivision
  2. Really green grass
  3. No shoes inside
  4. Real thick 5-ply toilet paper
  5. (kindof.. hurts)
  6. Two sheds
  7. One storey 
  8. White walls
  9. Grey (tufted) carpet
  10. White sheets 
  11. White duvet
  12. Stainless steel fridge-freezer 
  13. 30+inch televisions in 3+ rooms
  14. Motivational quotes on the walls
  15. Fluoro green photo frame I LOVE MUM 
  16. Venetian blinds
  17. 1gb broadband (?!?)
  18. Country music dvds + cds 
  19. (Dad would love that)
  20. Casino, The Prestige, Frantic
  21. Fleetwood Mac, The Everly Brothers, Elton John dvds 
  22. Watched Everly Bros twice today, once yesterday
  23. Ronan Keating dvd (didn't work) 
  24. The Who dvd (didn't wok)
  25. 2x leather lounge suites 
  26. 1x ensuite (not mine)
  27. Turkish delights 
  28. Doilies 
  29. No Simba 
  30. Abundance of pillows/cushions
  31. SKY TV (doesn't work)
  32. Quiet 
  33. Comfortable 
  34. Boy racers outside at night though
  35. Super centre 
  36. Oddly organised kitchen
  37. (can't find anything)
  38. Windows with locks on 
  39. Curtains for decoration
  40. Flush-loo 
  41. :D
  42. Shower preSSSSure (bruises)
  43. (Washed to a pulp)
  44. Optimum architectural design for prolonged nakedness
  45. Teaspoons in a cup by the tea with cake forks
  46. Little shampoos and conditioners like a hotel
  48. Two shiny cars (1 black, 1 burgundy. One has a bad paint job apparently, but I can't tell)
  49. Battery powered salt and pepper grinders w/ lights.
  50. Goggling Smith City employees =
  51. $11 off bike lights!
  52. But inconvenient location for normally east-side student/resident =
  53. Having to drive everywhere

Monday, March 14, 2011

(Guess who)

He said an old nose,
A fraction smaller;
In The Prestige a man created a machine
That duplicated his hat
Hundreds of times.
Hundreds if hats.
Now there are so many poems kind of
Like this one
And this guy's.
It's nice.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

I love this thing: food

These are the yummiest dinners on the planet. My sister introduced me to them when I was in Auckland. They are one-serve packets of imported vegetarian Indian meals. They could be lunches or breakfasts too I think. She gets them all the time because they are cheap and super fast to cook up. You just need a packet and some rice. There are lots of different flavours. They are sold individually but really filling and only $2.50! I’ve never seen or even heard of them before. Everyone else probably has though. When I was with my sister we had a green one and a red one. I’ve forgotten what flavours we had, but one had cottage cheese and basil-y stuff and the other was spicier and had tofu cubes. All you need to do is cook rice and then either heat the packet of this stuff in the microwave for 1-2mins or boil the packet in water for 5mins then place it over the cooked rice. I boiled it in the packet. Seemed more natural that way. Also there was no microwave where I was eating. But if there was I still would have boiled it. I want to collect all the flavours and have them every night for a week or over how ever many days of flavours there are. I want to line them up on my shelf in the cupboard really neatly like books. It will be like eating The Chronicles of Narnia. The one I had today had chickpeas in it (Chana Masala). It was so filling. I really hope these are available in Christchurch. I want to eat this forever. I watched Synecdoche, New York today. Philip Seymour Hoffman plays a man called Caden Cotard who starts directing this large-as-scale play and seventeen years later+ they are still devising it. When I have been in plays in the past it's been difficult to make proper food and eat right because of having a full schedule/being tired. I feel like if I were in a play for seventeen years this is what I would eat. I need to know how to make Naan now. This stuff is also super healthy too. Seems like the most perfect thing ever.  If Christchurch doesn’t have this I will be so upset. 


I went to Blenheim at the end of November with my father. We drove up like we used to when I was younger. Mum had to go to a conference for work so she flew in later. We were going to my Uncle's wedding. Dad and I stopped off at that café I always forget the name of. It's past Kaikoura and looks over the ocean. Every time I've been there the sky is this bright azure colour that melts into the sea like milk into coco-pops. We got something to drink, I think we both had coffees although I wouldn't put it past Dad  to have had a beer. He had something to eat too. I didn't. Out the front there was a group of bikers. They reminded me of the Cycling Track between Celadon and Fushia City in Pokemon where there are all these real tough looking guys in leather and studs and stuff with Koffings and Weezings and Grimers and Muks, but they're on bicycles and when you beat them they start crying. It's pretty funny. I wondered whether these bikers were like that. I took a sneaky photo of them. I think they knew I was though so it wasn't very sneaky in the end. I think they liked it though.

We kept driving. We had a good time, I think. The drive itself was very nostalgic for Dad and I. We talked about a lot of things on the way. Mainly about his life when he was playing lots of guitar. He used to be in bands until I was about five or six or seven. He used to be in a band with his ex-wife (not my Mum) and they played at bars in Invercargill and Dunedin. He told me how much he enjoyed it. I felt bad that he doesn't play so much anymore because he had to quit to look after me when I was little because Mum was doing shift work at the hospital. I felt motivated to play drums for him when he practices guitar next. (He still plays, but not as much). My Dad is from Bluff. Bluff is kind of depressing but it has this certain charm to it too. I've only been once or twice and not for long. I don't think I'd like to live in Bluff. I want to go to Stewart Island though. That would be a cool trip I think. 

When we got to Blenheim we found the motel we were staying in. It was quite nice. It was only one room though so I had to sleep in the same room as my parents. There was a swimming pool at the motel too. My cousins and aunt and uncle and other guests of the wedding were there as well. My great-aunt Jennifer met us at the motel and we drove to the airport to pick up Mum. 

Blenheim airport is

I dunno, a bit grim. I went in to get Mum. We joked about Dad and Aunty Jen being indecisive and forgetful. Mum and I sat in the back seat together and made eye contact and giggled heaps. When we got to the little church which was maybe 45mins away from Blenheim there weren't many people there. Mum and I stayed in the car for a bit and chatted and she had a little nap and I had a drink of water. It was a really nice day. Next to us were horses in a paddock. 

I took a picture of Dad too because he looked really funny. He was trying to grow a mustache for some reason. Maybe for 'Movember'. I'm not sure. He goes through phases like this frequently. 

His hat is funny/cool too. He looks a bit like Bill Nighy here.

What was perhaps the most exciting surprise was the church that the wedding was taking place in. When I was five years old (maybe six actually) Dad and I went to Blenheim to see Aunty Jen which was in the nucleus of my obsession/intrigue with churches and Christianity. I went to school where they talked about God and Jesus a bit but I wasn't entirely sure about it so wanted to find out for myself. I got Dad to buy me a book of Bible Stories which was cool and I read some of the Bible and in my big poetry book that was given to me by my mother there is a poem called The Horse. I really like that poem. I think mainly I was confused about whether or not it was all one big story. I liked stories though. But I was skeptical if it went any further than that. Anyway, on the way home from Blenheim this one time there was this church on the side of the road that I made Dad stop at and take me inside. It was really cute and dilapidated. I had just read an autobiography about a lady who had renovated an old church to live in. It took me ages to read but had lots of good pictures. I spent ages in this church. It was surrounded by thickets and I got sort of overwhelmed in the rugged beauty of it. I asked if he could take me to Church after that. I went to church for a few years, maybe until I was 8 or 9 when the other kids accused me of poking out the eye of the horse who was kept in the field out the back. It already had only one eye, I just accidentally jabbed my pinky in it's empty socket one day. Dad still goes though. I also started tucking my singlets into my underwear after that because my Aunt said that's how you stay warmer in winter. 

So I was excited about seeing the little church again. I had this flood of all these memories. 

I was slightly disappointed though when I went inside because the interior had been done up and it was all white and boring and had lost all of the 'rustic charm' that I liked so much.

So then the wedding started. I vowed not to ever get married. I'm not sure if this is the effect that a wedding should have on someone but just I'm not into marriage so much. Not that it was a bad ceremony though. It was nice and also kind of funny because there was all this tension between some of my family and the woman who my uncle was marrying. Mum and I felt really out of the loop and talked to this elderly Eastern European woman who remembers me when I was only "this big" (baby). 

They got married. 

After heaps of photos got taken and everyone congregated outside. 

My new aunty looked really beautiful. 

We back to the motel and I got changed into something warmer and then we all walked down to the reception party. There were lots of people I didn't know there so I hung out with Mum and we made compliments about the decorations. I got drunk and ate heaps. I loosened up a bit and made jokes with my cousins and other uncle. There were speeches which were quite funny and my uncle who got married cried and that was really lovely/funny. 

Just as I was leaving my Dad pulled me aside and introduced me to this man he was talking to. I ended up staying for another hour just talking to this man. He was writing a screenplay and worked in radio and television. I talked to him about when I used to work at The Radio Network but that I didn't like it so I left. I felt like I was getting taken advantage of and it was quite sexist and a bit gross. Got lots of free pizza though. 

I felt really tired/drunk and left with Mum and Dad. I didn't sleep so well because some people (my cousins) jumped in the pool in the early hours of the morning and woke me up. They had gone into town and had asked me to go with them but I didn't want to. 

In the morning I got up early to go for a massive walk because I felt so bad about eating so many mini samosas and cakes at the wedding reception on top of the Thai takeaways we got for dinner beforehand.

I liked the houses in the old Blenheim. I've found that Blenheim is kind of divided between old and new. There is a big subdivision out of the city. It isn't very nice; segregated or something. I felt good walking around Blenheim, like it was really warm and sunny and pleasant to be in. I thought "if I ever need to run away again I should come to Blenheim". I instantly regretted thinking that though because Blenheim is kind of depressing actually and has lots of boy racers even though it's so small and flat and would be way easier/better if people biked and walked everywhere. 

This house looked was an art deco dream. It was like a mansion. This picture kind of makes it look like a prison though. 

This was funny/scary

I walked around for about an hour and went back. Mum and Dad and I said bye to my cousins and stuff and went to a café for brunch. I got fruit and muesli and yogurt and a pot of peppermint tea because I felt a bit sick still. We drove home and got back around 4pm.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

New Town

I’ve been thinking about the future of Christchurch since the earthquake on the 22nd. There is no doubt that Christchurch is going to be different now. But will it be good different or bad different? Either way I’m not sure I want to hang around for too long. Sure, I miss my friends now and am looking forward to Saturday when I get to go back, but I definitely don’t see myself living there permanently; I see my return as merely a kind of sojourn until maybe next year, when I get my degree and can continue studying somewhere else. In saying that however, I seem to identify way more avidly as a ‘Cantabrian’. Pretty hypocritical, I think. I mean, I’m not sure if that’s just me taking advantage of the whole thing and sort of victimizing myself or if I feel super connected to the community now for having ‘shared’ that particular experience when other people like my family and friends in Auckland, haven’t. It makes me nervous to tell people I am from Christchurch now though like I’m a fish and there’s a net hanging above me and if someone asks me where I’m from and I say “Christchurch” then the net drops and I get tangled and trapped in all this earthquake talk, questions and repetition.

I was excited about the BEFORE AFTER discussions for the rebuild of the city after the September earthquake. Joe and I went to the Art Gallery when he was in Christchurch last to see the introductory exhibition. I was afraid of getting kicked out as I had no shoes on because I had all these cuts on my feet that made it sore to wear them. The gallery staff had no qualms about my barefeet but took away my backpack to be kept behind the counter. The suggestions were exhibited on boards in the foyer. It was interesting to see what ideas were being offered. There were lots of pictures of pedestrians in the Netherlands and people riding bikes in Germany. There seemed to be a strong focus on making the city more ‘people-friendly’. A lot of emphasis was also placed on ‘centralizing’ the city. I had a feeling that it was sort of ‘Wellington inspired’. When I met Joseph we talked about how much better Christchurch would be if it was more like Wellington and less like Auckland as we drove around The Palms shopping centre and close to my parents house on the long way home back to my old flat. We talked about how there is this intimidating ring of suburban shopping malls sort of sucking the life out of Christchurch and discouraging people from venturing into the inner city to do normal ‘daily stuff’, not like ‘going out’ or whatever. I actually used to work in the mall (jeez, massive hypocrite huh?), although I went into town to mail things, get out dvds, grocery shopping, library etc because it was a way nicer atmosphere and I enjoyed the bike ride. Then I got a job in town and never saw the mall again. Now The Palms is pretty fucked and will likely get demolished. I think this is a good thing. 
There are mixed views about the future of Christchurch. The common view I think is that the inner city is going to suck heaps because it’s too poor and vacillating. The other view is that everything is going to be sweet and the intentions outlined in that Before After thing will hopefully maybe pull through. Honestly, I don’t know but I feel kind of optimistic. I’m not very optimistic about anything but I am about this. I feel like this could be some kind of personal revolution. Nah, not really. Maybe the optimism refers to the possibility that Christchurch could be real sweet. Joe mentioned how cool would it be if all the architects from Wellington came down to Christchurch and we just let them take over. Mainly it’s confidence that has to be restored in the city. I don’t think buildings should be restored, I think they should be demolished and built strong and quake-proof from scratch. But not grim-as-and-grey low-rise buildings and car parks. The total opposite. I mean, Christchurch is a hella hot city, give it some attractive architecture. Now is the chance. As for the Cathedral, I think it should remain untouched in honor of old+new. Redoing it seems kind of insulting.

I think though, there is this entirely new ground to cover in relation to Christchurch’s psychogeography, an idea defined by Guy Debord in 1955 which is basically about how the physical environment of a community shapes the behavior/emotions/opinions of its occupants. This has kind of been passively interesting me for a while now since watching My Winnipeg by Guy Maddin. Also I was curious of the terminology one would apply to the analysis of the ‘types of people’ who live in particular places. Perhaps it is too soon to tell how the people of Christchurch have changed ‘psychogeographically’, but I think the earthquake has definitely had effect. More importantly it is how the rebuilding/recreating of the city is treated will continue to affect Cantabrians for years to come. Will the city be treated as a financial burden that has to be fixed as soon as possible or is it  a chance for Christchurch to become significantly more prosperous?  I just hope it gets done right, conservative financial factors aside. I think that the shared collective experience of this tragedy will force everyone’s thoughts to be heard; so maybe the authority does not wholly incline towards businesses as some may think, but residents too. Sounds real blithe, but everyone (mainly) can relate to Feb 22 as a resident, while not everyone can as a business owner. I dunno. Comes down to faith, mainly.

Oh yeah and more people should get on their bikes. Christchurch is flat as. And really pretty. I mean, the Botanic Gardens still exists right? What a better way to  reestablish Christchurch than bike everywhere and enjoy this pretty rare thing we've got going on in the central city. 

Mainly though, the worst thing (albeit entirely possible) would be Christchurch becoming some kind of Blenheim-esque dystopia. Oh dear, no.  

Tribute Post

Love u RB.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Love poem to RB

Sometimes I need to write about love
To remind myself that 
It still exists


It does.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Some stuff about this week:

  1. In Auckland 
  2. Living really close (walking distance) to Pak'NSave
  3. BBQ wood-fried chips
  4. Noodle Crisps 
  5. My sister and my niece 
  6. My brother and my nephew and my niece
  7. Seeing Pampa on Friday hopefully
  8. Dancing in the rain 
  9. Getting sick
  10. Getting better really quickly
  11. Lemon and honey and ginger hot drinks
  12. Waking up in cold sweats in the middle of the night not breathing and being too scared to go back to sleep
  13. Hurting my back 
  14. Having my back clicked 
  15. Still sore though
  16. Two of five books ordered weeks ago arrived in Christchurch!
  17. Dad maybe found a new job
  18. Still getting paid. <3 Hoyts
  19. Trying to find a new flat 
  20. Deciding to transfer universities and being really excited about living in Auckland and then not being allowed to.
  21. Becoming accustomed and comfortable and excited about the idea of living in Christchurch again and finding out universities are allowing transfers there after all.
  22. Lots of earthquake fundraisers
  23. Lots of earthquake misunderstandings 
  24. Lots of earthquake arguments 
  25. Lots of earthquake questions
  26. Missing Christchurch
  27. Being scared of Christchurch
  28. Crying real hard out in the toilets at AUC 
  29. Joe ringing and making everything better
  30. A wasp that didn't leave me alone
  31. No stings though
  32. Movies
  33. Movies + snacks 
  34. ))<>((
  35. Batman Begins 
  36. The Dark Knight
  37. Missing friends 
  38. Not going to Swans tonight
  39. Potential regret
  40. Numbness 
  41. Wondering what Simba is doing right now
  42. Cannelloni 
  43. Vegetarian Indian meals in packets for $2.50. Super cheap, super healthy
  44. Reading my niece bedtime stories 
  45. Splashing barefoot in puddles with my niece
  46. 'Cool Aunty'
  47. Mutual understanding with a man who was dancing while I was making sure my niece didn't get lost in the throng of people/puddle (just wanna dance man).
  48. Meeting my niece's dad's mother (Helen)
  49. Chorizo and salsa bun
  50. Vegan chocolate cake
  51. Vegan lemon cake
  52. Chocolate energy balls
  53. Finding a beach in the city on a hot day 
  54. Christina Stead
  55. De-lite SNV crackers accompanied by a phone call from Rosie
  56. Buying a cheap flight home
  57. Home on the 12th
  58. Dunedin music festival 
  59. !!
  60. Sixty (mainly good) things.

Couples Therapy

"How do I know it's love if she's an Anaesthetist?" he said to the detective, placing the scalpel in an outstretched plastic zip-lock bag.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Auckland #2

Today in the supermarket the ground kind of trembled while I was deciding which herbal stress formula to buy.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

"Before we die we will become hermits and live in a forest"

- You, age 10.


There was that dog that sort of came with the house when you moved in. It was black and sort of small. Medium sized, I guess. Nobody came to take the dog away when its master died so it became part of the house like the curtains or the stove or the shelving units.


Your cousin felt that way after he climbed onto the goalposts on the football field and fell off, catching his leg on the way down on some piece of metal that was sticking out and slicing a great fleshy flap into his thigh. You also felt that when you found your ex-boyfriend’s facebook messages to a girl he knew and they were talking about you as if you didn’t really exist.


When you were little you ate the pom-pom off your favourite red woolen hat. You were looking out the window and sitting on your booster seat in the back. You were sulking because you were still too young to sit in the front and a little bit hungry too. Your mother changed your nappies when you started to smell bad and thought you were bleeding intestinally.


Your best friend convinced you to go to a party down the road with her one night. She had her boyfriend over. You were both 14. Your friend had had so many boyfriends and you hadn’t had any. She wanted some alcohol so you filled up water bottles with anything that was in her parents’ liquor cabinet. It was called ‘rocket-fuel’ back then; I don’t know what it is called now though. You made out with some guy and he ended up having a big crush on you. Did I mention the party was at some indoor skate-park? You wanted a boyfriend but not him. You danced and vomited for ages in your friend’s bathroom in front of her mother.

Jonathan Taylor Thomas

After the second term of a particular year in high school you watched The Lion King every day for two weeks straight. When you were eight you got a kitten that was orange just like you. You weren’t meant to get that kitten; you were just looking in on the way to get one of the black and white ones you saw advertised in the newspaper. This one was the runt of the litter though and was getting picked on by his brothers. It took three days to decide on a name, which only happened after you picked him up from under his two front legs. Simba.


The guy that used to live in your house had a wooden leg. He also had a long, black beard. You accidently wrote a poem about him when you were 10 or 11. You called him Arnie Lovell after two rooms in the Christchurch Arts Centre were you had creative writing classes. In your mind he lived alone in a forest. You didn’t remember writing the poem. It was your first out-of-body experience. You thought, wow I want to write like that forever.


You hid in the plastic tunnel at your Montessori kindergarten. It was raining and you were meant to be inside. The teachers were looking for you everywhere. You thought it was funny. It was kind of malicious. You were depressed for the first time ever because your mother didn’t pick you up early to take you to the bookstore.


You grew peas at the Montessori and ate them off the plant. You wanted to be the cat in the Christmas show and put a lot of effort into the audition but you didn’t get it even though everyone said you were the best. You cast the cat death-stares during the show then felt bad for it afterwards.


You had sex when you were sixteen. It was with a boyfriend and you had been only dating a month. He said he loved you so that must have counted for something??? After, you went to rowing training and felt the sex on your seat the whole time.

Dog II

You had another dog, Harley. He was a black and white English Springer Spaniel. When asked what kind of dog he was you always said black and white English Springer Spaniel even though the “black and white” had nothing to do with his breed but mainly those dogs are brown and white so you thought you had to reiterate how rare he was. Your parents bought him when he was one year old, so you never got to experience the ‘puppy years’. You got to hold his leash though and when you did he galloped away and dragged you along the ground.


You didn’t have friends at primary school but you wanted to. You couldn’t talk to anyone because you had nothing to talk to them about; yet you befriended all of the Korean students though they didn’t speak a word of English. In year two there was a girl called Susan and she showed you her Gameboy and she had Kirby’s Dreamland on it. She went back to Korea and you cried but she sent you a big box of novelty hair-accessories. You have one bobble left now; it’s red and has teddy bears all over it. The elastic is starting to wear. You bought a Gameboy when you were eight and it came with Kirby’s Dreamland as if it was some kind of tribute to Susan. Then you got Pokémon and you weren’t so alone anymore.


The popular kids started talking to you when you were 11. It was kind of weird. You had mixed emotions. You were confused but mainly ecstatic. One of them even wanted to do a project with you at school! Usually no one wanted to do projects with you at school. You became their friend and they liked you because when you are comfortable around people you ‘let go’ and can be quite crazy. You found out a year later that it was all a big trick, a “project” they called it, to ‘befriend’ you and make you ‘cool’. You found out after they asked if you wanted to do it to another girl with red-hair who was considered the ‘biggest loser in school’ but you declined and told them that was a mean thing to do. They laughed.


That first dog doesn’t exist. Only in the poem about ‘Arnie Lovell’. Nowadays Arnie Lovell is a metaphor for your imperious depression.

Chocolate Hail

You recall a day when your nana took you and your cousin to the air force museum. It was sunny and you had ice creams and spat machine guns from your mouths.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Some things about Auckland

Everything is great except that I have hundreds of itchy-bites on my body


There are new ones every day in the creases of my limbs and

On the bony bits

My toenails are too long

Even though I cut them two days ago

Chocolate milk seems to be the best thing to eat or drink right now

And pretzels

It’s nice to walk around here

But not in the city

People are pretty merciless there

I went to a park and danced with my niece and

People thought I was her mother

But courteously 

I think because maybe they thought I looked like I didn't regret having a kid at 17 or something

They clapped for the band and for us and said,

You’re gonna have your hands full with that one,

I think because she is so vivacious

And was 'dancing' to jazz


My sister joked that now I can look after her and she can have a night off

My niece asked me for some water and

My sister got a bit jealous.